From Brianna's mom Jen:
We returned today from our annual Dells trip with all the Siemann family. Our trip turned out to be a blessing as we were able to have an “escape/break” with the added bonus of family support when needed. I admit feeling it was a mistake to go ahead with the trip as soon as we entered our room. We always stay at the Great Wolf Lodge and reserve a kid cabin suite because it has a separate area with bunk beds and a twin bed for the three girls. As soon as we walked in and I saw the three beds my heart sank. I wondered if Eric would opt to sleep in the twin rather than on the sleeper sofa as it would make me feel better not having to look at an empty bed. However, he no longer fits in the “kid” cabin twin beds…he is almost 6 ft tall, outgrowing size 14 shoes, and turning 15 in one month! What a difference from when I first met him…7 years old and wearing superman pajamas.
We went to dinner Saturday night and I could not help but cry wishing that Brianna was there so we could hear her laugh, see her smile, and watch her enjoy being with the family. Needless to say, Saturday night was NOT a good night. In fact, every night we made reservations for 15 people, not 16, just reminded me that Brianna is gone. Sunday morning proved difficult as well since we always attend mass at St. Cecilia Catholic Church. I passed on attending mass and headed to the pool hoping to pull it together before everyone returned. I didn’t want to have a breakdown at church. I wanted to distract myself and thanks to my friend Kim I found the distraction I needed. She gave me the book, 90 Minutes in Heaven: A true story of death and life. The story provides a very detailed description of a man’s experience of a short trip to heaven. I now have a very beautiful picture of Brianna entering God’s Kingdom of Heaven! Thank you Kim, Benny, and kids!!
Though I am having difficulty with Brianna’s absence, I saw two signs late Sunday morning that made me believe she was o.k. First, I saw a beautiful butterfly outside which seemed to linger for awhile before leaving my sight. Not too long after, I saw a white dove fly by. There are not a lot of birds around the outdoor water park and I’ve never seen white doves sitting around before!
I mentioned in my remembrance speech that I look to Bob for his strength and unwavering faith and how I would definitely look to lean on him in the days ahead. I was having a very difficult time until I told Bob about the “two signs.” I told him I thought Brianna was letting me know she was o.k. He looked at me, smiled, and said “good!” He told me he prayed in church earlier that morning for Brianna to show me a sign she was o.k., but he wasn’t going to tell me because I would be looking for signs that might not be there. The next day we saw a butterfly while on a boat tour where you don’t normally see any butterflies. On the way home today I found a song to bring me comfort titled, “She’s a Butterfly”, by Martina McBride. From now on, every time I hear this song or see a butterfly I will be reminded of Brianna.
She remembers when she first got her wings
And how she opened up that dayshe learned to sing
Then the colors came, erased theblack and white
And her whole world changedwhen she realized
She's a butterfly, pretty as the crimson sky
Nothing's ever gonna bring her down
And everywhere she goes
Everybody knows she's so glad to be alive
She's a butterfly
Like the purest light in a darkened world
So much hope inside such a lovely girl
You should see her fly, it's almost magical
It makes you wanna cry, she's so beautiful
Thank you for every act of kindness and support for our family during this difficult time. We are so grateful to all our family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers who have offered us condolences. As we prepare for the kids to return to school (and for me to return to teaching) we hope to find the strength and courage to deal with our loss while also taking on the stresses of a new school year.
God bless and Peace to you all!
Brianna's mom, Jen
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1 comment:
Dear Jen and Brianna's family,
I am so sad for your loss. I am deeply moved by your story of strength and resilience. You are an inspiration to me in so many ways. Thanks you for sharing your struggles, but also your faith. It is something I will be remembering and thinking of during my days.
Take care and God Bless,
Anna Rocks
Naples, Italy
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